18
Jan

SIREN Web Exclusive: What’s Your Favorite LP Faculty Member Doing This Valentine’s Day?

By Luke Aloi, Greer LeRoy, and Patrick Erb-White

SIREN Staff

Have you ever wondered what some of your teachers do on Valentine’s Day? Aside from the plastic chit-chat you’ve had with them in class, you probably know next to nothing about their personal lives, the walls of professionalism preventing you from learning about them, instead of from them. Because blatantly asking them personal questions is presumably out of the question for you, SIREN reporters have identified well-known members of the Lincoln Park faculty and uncovered their plans for this February 14th, along with gossip-worthy news about their relationship statuses. Apprécie l’amour!

Mr. Cageao – The Valentine’s Day Scrooge

A beloved Media instructor, Mr. Cageao teaches marketing and film to students and gives life advice to these otherwise innocent children.

When asked about his relationship status, Mr. Cageao gave a short yet revealing soliloquy about romance:

“Oh my God. Mr. Cageao hates love.”

Not surprisingly, he doesn’t have any plans for Valentine’s Day.

“I don’t enjoy Valentine’s Day, and I don’t think I have ever enjoyed it. Today, I feel like it’s a last-ditch commercial attempt to get people to spend money in February.”

Despite the isolation of singlehood closing in on his psyche, Mr. Cageao stated he does not feel depressed on the Day of Love.

“I feel normal on Valentine’s Day – just a stasis. It’s like any other day of the year.”

Mr. Cageao gave this advice to all loved-craze youngsters:

“None of you should be in a relationship. All that matters is your education.”

Mr. Wes –  The Good Husband

An expression of delight gleamed across Mr. Wes’s rosy face when he was approached by SIREN reporters for an interview. 

“I’m married, very happily,” said the beautiful English teacher. “Actually, Valentine’s Day is my anniversary. Yeah, this’ll be my thirteenth year anniversary.”

Mr. Wes has big plans for the lucky Mrs. Wes this Valentine’s Day.

“We’re gonna go out to dinner on the actual day, but we have a trip planned – a weekend getaway in a couple weeks.”

Unlike some other teachers, Mr. Wes has a negative view of singlehood.

“If I were single, I’d be unhappy,”he said. “I’d probably be in a ditch somewhere.”

Mr. Wes had this relationship advice for Lincoln Park students.

“All you need to do is find someone who makes you happy, and then try to make them happy in return.”

Mr. Cirelli – A Single/Taken Teacher?

The trademark hat of this alluring Media teacher seemed to fly off when he was ambushed by reporters from the SIREN. An instructor for audio, photography, and middle school Media, Mr. Cirelli responded, when asked about what he normally does on Valentine’s Day:

“I normally try to forget that it’s Valentine’s Day.”

This year, however, seems to have been a lucky one for the marvelous man, as he hinted that he found a date.

“I do have plans this Valentine’s Day … we have some ideas.”

When asked about the identity of this “we,” Mr. Cirelli guiltily avoided the question.

“I’ll just leave it at ‘we,’” he said before making his escape.

Mr. Harmon – The Family Man

When swarmed by SIREN reporters, Mr. Harmon attempted to get out of the interview with a half-baked excuse about supervising the lunch tables – but to no avail. In the end, he reluctantly agreed to be interviewed, his head lowered in defeat.

“I’m happily married,” said the surprisingly sassy Social Studies teacher, loudly chewing gum with utmost disdain.

Unlike many other teachers, Mr. Harmon plans to spend this Valentine’s Day with his beloved wife and kids.

“On Valentine’s Day, we always make heart-shaped pancakes, but they usually don’t turn out like hearts.”

When questioned about whether he would still be happy if he were single without any children, Mr. Harmon gave a surprising response:

“I would still be happy. If I were single and alone, I wouldn’t care.”

By the end of the interview, Mr. Harmon looked like he was going to implode from his SIREN captivity. Nevertheless, he gave sincere dating wisdom:

“Enjoy being single because you have plenty of time to enjoy being with someone when you’re married.”

Mrs. Fucsko – Young Love At Its Freshest

When a SIREN reporter awkwardly approached her, Mrs. Fucsko appeared to have just finished her lunch, nobody questioning why the Math teacher was sitting in the Nurse’s Office.

Sitting on a medical cot with her adorable pink cardigan, Mrs. Fucsko enthusiastically agreed to be interviewed, her eyes twinkling with eagerness.

“I’m happily married, but my husband and I don’t have any Valentine’s Day traditions. We don’t celebrate it.”

Mrs. Fucsko’s view on the Holiday of Romance isn’t that different from Mr. Cageao’s.

“I don’t like Valentine’s Day. To me, it’s just a greeting card holiday that just gets people to buy stuff. Instead of doing it all in one day, my husband and I write nice things to each other throughout the year.”

Despite being young, Mrs. Fucsko is wise beyond her years when it comes to love. She gave this advice to depressed single people:

“On Valentine’s Day, go out with friends and enjoy the day because it has nothing to do with flowers and chocolate. But the next day, go to the store and buy half-priced Valentine’s Day chocolate, then enjoy it.”

Mrs. Statler – Sick With Chocolatophilia… and Love

The Lincoln Park nurse was only too eager to be interviewed for the Valentine’s Day article of the SIREN, interrupting from time to time during Mrs. Fucsko’s interview. Surrounded by intimidating medical supplies, this sweet health provider was first asked about her relationship status.

“I’ve been happily married for the past 23 years,” said the nurturing nurse. “When my kids were little, my husband and I used to have a Valentine’s Day dinner in the dining room. This year though, my husband has a dentist appointment, but I bought chocolate for him.”

Mrs. Statler seemed to have a great love for chocolate, as evidenced by her advice to lonely people on Valentine’s Day:

“Eat chocolate.”

Of course, Mrs. Statler had much more to say about dating than just eating chocolate.

“I don’t think that people should date in high school. Enjoy yourself, and don’t tie yourself down like I did when I was in high school.”

Mrs. Castelli – Holly’s Got Mistletoe This February 14

Immediately after her interview, Nurse Statler excitedly ran over to Mrs. Castelli in the Dining Hall and told her about the quotes she gave. SIREN reporters were hot on the nurse’s trail and ambushed Mrs. Castelli with a journalistic attack. Speechless at first, Mrs. Castelli soon agreed to be interviewed about her husband and Valentine’s Day plans.

“I’ve been married to him for 33 years, and we’re as happy as can be.”

Despite this happiness, Mrs. Castelli doesn’t have any special plans this Valentine’s Day.

“We don’t really do Valentine’s Day,” said the dashing Dean of Academics. “We’ve never been Valentine’s Day people. My husband buys me flowers at least, but we normally do things with our kids and grandson.”

With decades of experience, Mrs. Castelli is a cornucopia of romance wisdom, giving this advice to lonely Lincoln Park students:

“Don’t stress out about dating or finding someone. Things happen when they happen. For now, just eat chocolate, lots and lots.”

Mr. Ford – The Power of Positive Thinking

Whether you’ve sat in his office to cry or just seen him around, Mr. Ford’s positivity is recognizable at all times – even when questioned about Valentine’s Day.

“There’s plenty of other aspects of life that does not surround the acquisition of a relationship,” said Mr. Ford, who is unmarried.

When discussing how he felt about this coming holiday, he responded with indifference. “I don’t feel any extra negativity or any extra pressure or anything like that,” he said.

Regardless of his marital status, he still has plans: “I’m probably gonna be hanging with my Dad actually, watching hockey.”